why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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