I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
