Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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