Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
