i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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