I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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