i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
