I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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