Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
