Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
one might say we're banned from that church
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
