Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
