Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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