you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
