I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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