the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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