we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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