The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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