shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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