Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
