Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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