So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
