tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
