I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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