We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
