Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
