What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
