I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
