Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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