I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
