the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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