you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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