so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
