Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
