so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
True strength comes from lack of pants
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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