sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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