Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
did you just send me my own nude
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
