SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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