no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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