She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
