dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
