Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
