Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
