First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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