I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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