Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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