I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
