Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
