Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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