So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
