you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
