I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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