Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
