allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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