awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
