it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
