just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
