The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
