I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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