you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
