he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
