Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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