so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
