I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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