I wanna passion pit in your ass
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
