Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
