I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
