Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
