me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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