So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
