I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
