you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
