: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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