I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My pussy is not your playground.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
